LEGAL LAUGHTER

What’s the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn’t think He is a lawyer.
 
Why are all the toxic dumps in New Jersey and all the lawyers in California?
New Jersey got the first pick.

What’s the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer on the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
He stopped breathing.

 Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground instead of the usual six feet?
Because deep down, they are really good people.

What does a criminal lawyer have in common with Pee-Wee Herman?
They can both get themselves off.

What does a lawyer use for contraception?
His personality.

 When do you really need a lawyer?
When your talking to a lawyer.

 What did the homocidal maniac say to the lawyer?
“How could you?”